And so, we have reached the end. End of the trip, end of the blogs (for now), end of liberty, freedom and back to the suit at some point in the near future. My escape plan was brilliant, but like a Western superpower, my exit strategy was questionable.

So now, after what has been without question the richest, most memorable and enjoyable seven months of my life, I would like to play tribute to the winners and losers in my South East Asia Travel Awards.

The “Johnny Cash” Best Country Award:
Laos
Incredible landscape, akin to going back to Thailand 20 years ago with the most friendly and laidback people I’ve ever met and the nicest, cheapest beer in the world (clearly an important part of the criteria).

The “Boris Johnson” Best City Award (formerly the Ken Livingstone Award):
Hanoi (Vietnam)
Pretty, diverse, historic, cultural, you can even visit Uncle Ho in the (reconditioned) flesh, and crazy without quite as many mopeds as the untraversable Saigon, aka “HCMC” (not to be confused with HSBC).

The “John Prescott” Best Food Award:
Penang (Malaysia)
Not only is the street food diverse and consistently excellent, you may also end up getting your own stalker from one of the stalls if you’re really lucky. Or not.

The “David Hasselhoff” Best Beach Award:
Krabi - Phra Nang, Railay (Thailand)
Simply stunning and surprisingly cheery for a very grumpy sounding place.

The “Indiana Jones” Bravest Thing I Did Award:
fly Laos Airlines (with having a live tiger’s head in my lap a distant second).

The “Marion Jones” Stupidest Thing I Did Award:
fly Laos Airlines a second time.

The “Alanis Morisette” Greatest Irony Award:
the “PERFECT USA” neon sign which shines above the streets of Saigon.

The “James Brown” Proudness Award:
climbing Mount Kinabalu, the highest mountain in South East Asia.

The “Gordon Brown” Embarrassment Award:
not being able to walk for three days afterwards (and still struggling a week later).

The “Bruce Forsythe” Best Ancient Monument Award:
Angkor Wat and surrounding temples (Cambodia)
Will ruin other temples for you forever.

The “Avram Grant” Nothing To Do Award:
Gili Islands (Air and Meno, Indonesia)
No hassle, no electricity (frequently), not even any police, just laid back paradise.

The “David Lynch” Most Bizarre Moment Award:
singing falsetto karaoke alone in the back of a taxi in stationary traffic, much to the bewilderment of other drivers.

The “England’s Euro 2008 Qualifying Campaign” Biggest Disappointment Award:
visiting Ho Chi Minh’s “car collection”, of which there were two, one of which was a Peugeot 404 (presumably his runaround for popping down the supermarket).

So, if you are thinking about visiting the region, here’s some advice.

Do not go if you don’t like:
rice, noodles, geckos (you’ll be sharing most rooms with at least one), ****roaches (alive or deep fried), monkeys, being asked if you would like marijuana or prostitutes, shopping, journeys where you think you’re going to die, crap Western music and having to put used toilet paper in waste paper baskets.

Do go if you like:
great food, warm people, diverse cultures, incredible scenery, adventurous trekking, monks, English football, massages, stray dogs, karaoke, being able to live on a ridiculously small amount of money, shopping for shoes below size 9, drinking from plastic bags, travelling head on through traffic on the wrong side of the road, feeling a million miles from home and smiling a lot.

And finally, once you’ve decided to take the plunge, here are three things which may just save your life.

1. If it doesn’t look like chicken and it doesn’t taste like chicken, then it’s probably best not to think about it. Or eat it.

2. Don’t drink 13 shots of rice wine with dinner, even if your host keeps pouring them for you as you may well begin to develop a taste for the stuff. And that’s not a good thing,

3. If she looks like the most beautiful girl in the room, she probably isn’t. You may want to check the goods before you sample them.

See you all soon.
http://my.telegraph.co.uk/rene_freling/may_2008/the_winner_takes_it_all.htm