JULIA STEINECKE PHOTO

In Luang Prabang, the Peace Pagoda (also known as Phra That Khong Santi Chedi) contains murals with scenes of women servants in intimate embraces. (Nov. 8, 2008)

VIENTIANE, Laos–When the short-haired Lao woman climbs on her scooter in front of my Vientiane guest house, I hit the ground running.

I've been in the Lao capital city for a week trying to find lesbians to no avail. This woman's haircut and baggy pants are rare among the straight set.

``Excuse me! Excuse me!'' I shout frantically. ``Do you speak English? I want to meet some les... ''

I pause, suddenly aware that I'm hollering this in the middle of the street and a few curious men are beginning to gather.

What's it going to take to find some real-life lesbians and bi women around the world?

While planning my various travels, I've scoured the Internet, hounded tourism boards, wandered the streets in search of women's bars.

In St. Maarten, my guide drove back and forth with me, knocking on doors to no avail. There seems to be fewer resources available for lesbian community building and promotion. Some tourism boards build up massive campaigns to attract gay men to their cities yet have very little information for women, even less for bi or trans visitors.

In Laos, eventually, persistence pays off.

The woman in the street politely declines a meeting, but the next day I get a call from a Lao guy who knows a doctor, who knows a bunch of sex trade workers, who know some lesbians – and they're willing to talk!

Four young women arrive at the doctor's office, three with shaggy haircuts, sweatshirts, jeans and running shoes; the other with long hair. We all sit on a woven blanket.

The doctor interprets what is probably their first conversation ever with a foreigner.

Underlying an über-cool appearance, their enthusiasm quickly comes to the surface. Some day they'd like to open a drop-in centre and they know a transwoman who hopes to support their projects financially.

They're thinking about an educational comedy performance about the plight of Lao Toms and lesbians.

They use ``Tom'' to refer to a woman who loves only other women, similar to the Thai word, and the term ``lesbian'' appears to refer to bi women.

They call themselves the Handsome Girls.

The show would talk about things like how to deal with your family and the continuous pressure to marry men – some Toms and lesbians seriously consider it, because in Lao culture it's very important to please your parents.

They talk for a while about the challenges in their lives and then they announce that they're having a Vietnamese New Year's dinner at the home of a friend and I'm invited.

We set off across the city, me, pedalling my bicycle furiously to keep up with their scooters.

We arrive at a two-storey townhouse and find a feast in the making.

We clear the coffee table and turn it into a groaning board of spicy noodles with tofu, sticky rice, meatballs and spring rolls.

A straight friend has been installed beside me for translation purposes. Our host shows me a photo of a beautiful young Lao woman holding a gift, with tears in her eyes. This woman, who's married and living in the U.S., came to Vientiane for an extended family visit and met our host. They fell madly in love and lived together in this house for six months. Now she's back with her husband. Our host is trying to move on but she has no eyes for any other woman, or any man.

I look across the room and see the Toms wrestling and whooping up a storm, each balancing a supersize bottle of Beerlao. One of them tells our translator that she thinks I'm ``lovely, like a doll.''

I ask the Toms where they would go for a romantic evening with their girlfriend. They tell me they'd start with a nice meal in a restaurant, followed by a few drinks in the local bar. Then, to any nightclub for dancing. Finally, they'd take a romantic scooter ride under the stars.

Someone asks to see a picture of my girlfriend, so I pull out a photo of my sweetie in her blue cowboy hat.

I show some pictures of my friends, including one who has transitioned from female to male. Suddenly all the Toms are around me, leaning in for a better look.

``Was he really a woman?'' they ask.

They want to know where he got his surgery, does he have hair on his chest, is his voice low? What kind of penis does he have and how well does it work? Sadly, I don't have answers to all these questions.

``He has beautiful eyes,'' they conclude.

It's time for me to go. Everyone shakes my hand vigorously and as I roll away, the Toms blow me kisses.